A Third Party?

The first time I voted was in the elections of 1992: despite my distaste for George "Read My Lips" Bush, I voted Republican then, and have done so ever since (except once when my incumbent Republican Congressman had voted for more gun control and only a Libertarian was running against him). I have often wondered about people who waste their votes on tiny splinter parties, and even more about the people who waste their time and energy creating tiny splinter parties.

Back when I was still sympathetic to Libertarianism (before I woke up and smelled the immigrants), I argued fruitlessly with those who played the elaborate game called "Let's pretend we have a political party." Since then I have bemusedly surveyed all the conservative, "nationalist," fascist, and racist parties, especially the ones with Internet presences (most of them probably amount to little more than a website). I have two theories about such people: (1) the ego-boost they get from being a big fish in a little pond is greater than any commitment to the causes they are supposed to be advancing; (2) they are so obsessed with having everything their own way that they'd rather accomplish nothing than deal with people who disagree with them about anything.

Sometimes I wonder if all the energy wasted in such trivial, duplicative and often misguided (i.e., having wrong goals as well as wrong methods) efforts could be channeled into practical endeavors; but I suspect that people who indulge in such efforts are such a waste of life that they could never amount to anything, no matter what they did. What can you do with someone who'd rather curse the darkness than light a candle?

I certainly feel no deep respect or loyalty for the GOP. But precisely because I have such low expectations of it (and of the political process as such), what respect and loyalty I have is not shaken by its inveterate stupidity and cowardice. I was elated when our men took control of Congress, but I never for a moment believed they would do anything more than stop the worst initiatives of the Commiecrats. Indeed, the lackluster performance of the GOP Congress has made me appreciate Ronald Reagan's presidency all the more -- and made me all the more impatient with whiny, ungrateful nitpickers (Libertarians, mostly) who complain that Reagan didn't do enough to roll back government.

What should you do if you're not happy with the GOP? If you're like me, you do your bit (however small) to publicize your ideas with your personal website; you join single-issue advocacy groups -- organizations such as FAIR, U.S. English, and the NRA; and you give your votes to the only party that will do even a little bit of good. You have two choices: either (1) commit yourself to getting involved and changing it, or (2) admit that its failures are as much your fault as anyone's. You don't complain about a problem you don't do anything to solve.

Which brings me to George W. Bush, a.k.a. George "The Smirking Preppy" Bush, a.k.a. "King George II," a.k.a. George "My Dad Was A Loser" Bush, a.k.a. George "You Can Hear The Wind Blow Between My Ears" Bush, a.k.a. George "Forget The Alamo!" Bush, a.k.a. George "Forget El Cenizo!" Bush, a.k.a. George "Me Llamo Jorge" Bush, a.k.a. George "How Many Mexican Butts Do I Have To Kiss?" Bush, a.k.a. George "I'm Not As Bad As Al Gore" Bush, a.k.a. George "I'm Not Quite As Worthless As My Dad" Bush ....

I'm one of those who wish there were some alternative to Bush II. And if George W. pulls Elizabeth Dole out of political oblivion to be his running-mate ("Wow! Bush/Dole 2000: two losers for the price of one!"), I might even abstain in the presidential election. But, as low as my expectations of the Republicans are, I don't think they're that stupid. And I'm not going to pretend there is an alternative when there isn't.

There are only two minor parties that are worth mentioning: the Libertarians and Reform. From a patriotic point of view, the Libertarians are as bad as the Commiecrats; I'd rather have my right hand wither than vote for either of them. As for the Reform Party, I actually agree with Pat Buchanan (assuming that he succeeds in taking it over) most of the time; but he's almost as goofy as Ross Perot, in his own way.

Here's a man who's never even been elected Municipal Dogcatcher of Outer Podunk, and he wants to become the next President of the United States? This is not a man to take seriously! His own frivolous character betrays the essential childishness of the whole enterprise.

If Buchanan and his supporters were serious about making America a better country, they would start by making the GOP a better party. They would not be trying as hard as they can to make sure that Al "Unabomber In A Suit" Gore is elected in November. They would not be acting like spoiled brats, having a temper tantrum and taking their bat and ball home because the rest of the GOP won't play the game exactly their way.

If Republicans are stupid and cowardly, become a Republican who's smart and brave. If Republicans won't take positions supported by the vast majority of Americans -- ending "affirmative action," mass immigration, and bilingualism -- become a Republican who will. Don't sit in a corner sulking; don't vote for a loser; don't leave stupid cowards in control of America's only hope.

2000 by Karl Jahn

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